Sometimes I wonder, what if society didn’t play a role in how people expect love to be? what would it be like?
I only bring up this topic because I keep catching myself thinking “what if” or comparing myself to couples on social media. I keep forgetting that social media is only one aspect of it. It’s unrealistic.
I guess I’m just struggling with expectations right now. I’m still lost in life and still trying to figure myself out and what I want out of love. Some days I’m super happy but other days I’m so frustrated and I snap easily.
Like I see all these pictures of couples and even people I went to high school with and they’re all married and happy and loving life….and then there’s me.
But then I start thinking that if I really wanted those things, I’d definitely be just like them and be in the same position. The truth is, I’m not ready to settle down. Yeah, my eggs are slowly dying …but I’m just not ready to begin that chapter of my life yet. I don’t know If I’ll ever be. I know one day it will come, but I’m not sure when.
I’m just in that position where I want to do all of these things, but when it comes to taking action, I freeze and go into my realist mode and I can’t step out of my comfort zone even though I know I need to.
Like a crazy part of me wants to quit my job, get a passport, and travel. But then my realist side thinks, girl you cannot afford to quit your job, you still need to go to school, and what if you get kidnapped overseas. I think right now my fears outweigh my dreams. And I don’t want to travel alone. But I don’t know anyone who would want to travel with me. So that’s my dilemma.
On happier terms, I’ve been working out more and eating better-ish. I’m down 2-3 pounds since the last time I blogged. Slow progress is better than no progress! I really need to go to this new gym near my place and just spend the $10 a month on a membership though. I had my first awkward encounter at my apartment gym and it was not fun.
I was motivated to go run on the treadmill after work, so I got all dressed and was walking on the sidewalk, when low and behold, a supermodel ran by and she ran to the gym and went on the treadmill. So chubby-bunny me had to go on the elliptical right next to her. And I forgot my headphones. And the remote was on the treadmill so I had to workout in silence with her huffing and puffing with her sweat dripping down her abs. Then this guy comes in and sits on the bicycle which faces the treadmill and the elliptical. So we were all packed sardines and the guy didn’t have headphones either. After the supermodel left, it was just this guy grunting while lifting weights and me working out in silence. so. freaking. not. cool.
So that’s my story of why I need to just get my lazy butt to an actual gym and pay for a dang membership.