It was a warm night with a breeze and I was sitting with one of my good friends from high school by an empty pool; we were soaking our legs and talking about life. More like our quarter-life crisis.
In that moment, I was lost in deep thought. Where did the time go? What am I doing with my life? And then all of a sudden I was motivated for change.
So I’m holding myself accountable. One year from now, I’m going to be back in school and working hard to get a good degree. OR, if I decide to not go down that path, I want to save enough money to travel.
I realize that even though sometimes I feel like I’m too old and it’s too late to become successful, in reality I’m still pretty young. So I’m going to work hard and make something of myself.
Off topic, but I’ve been reminiscing about the Ed Sheeran concert (I can’t believe it will be a week ago from tomorrow) and I keep playing his performance of “Thinking out loud” in my head. In the recorded song he sings “When my hair’s gone and my memory fades, and the crowds don’t remember my name” … but during his performance he sang “And this crowd won’t remember my name”. I thought that was so clever and genuine and it pulled at my heart strings. I don’t even know why I’m writing about it, but it’s one of those memories I’ll have until the day I die.
Have a great weekend & remember it’s okay to not be okay!
James Blunt bumping in the background,
Headlights flickering in sight
Silence filling my mind,
As I walk into the night.
I try not to make a sound,
Even though inside I’m screaming loud.
Today was lame. I paid my first utility and electricity bills and my roommate didn’t even say thank you. Whatever. 4 more months and I’m out of here. Living alone is nice….if you’re living alone. But I can’t afford that. I guess in 4 months it’s back to having a curfew and getting lectures from my parents even though I’m already twenty-something.
Just frustrated I guess, I work super hard and try to make it on my own and my roommate doesn’t even give a crap. The bills aren’t going to pay themselves honey. It’s called gratitude. But hey, on the bright side I’m thankful I have the means to pay the bills.
I can’t wait to someday live on my own. I just need motivation to go back to school to get a good degree and a good job so I can make that vision happen. Well, I feel better now that I ranted. Time to sleep. I’m going to be off the blog the next few days because I’ll be camping on a couch in a house with AC as opposed to my apartment with no AC… I don’t think I could sleep in 109 degree weather. But that’s just me.
This weekend was a blast, probably the most freeing and happy I’ve felt in a while. (Aside from this painful sunburn I’m slowly recovering from). I took a trip to the coast and it was wonderful. I’m usually not a fan of Seaside, because the town is super boring but I literally stayed on the beach for 10 hours! I played flag football and dipped my feet in the ice cold pacific ocean and read some of “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed. It was a good time.
Then last night I went to see Ed Sheeran and now I can scratch that off my bucket list. He was SO good! And I was charmed by James Blunt, now I know more than 1 song of his. I’ve been listening to him on repeat since last night. Super good!
Then today I was able to go in to work about 4 hours late so I got to rest for once and cook myself breakfast. It was much needed “me” time. I even went straight home after work and cleaned my room. So refreshing.
Can’t believe it’s supposed to be 100+ degrees Fahrenheit starting tomorrow until Friday though. I’m lucky my parents have AC so I’m going to go over there starting tomorrow night and crash on the couch.
I’m excited for Thursday, I get to have dinner with a couple of my good friends from high school (One of which is my roommate, but we rarely see each other even though we live in the same apartment haha).
It’s currently 9:24pm and I’m having an innocent fantasy about meeting Ed Sheeran someday (It’ll never happen). The LOML (Love of my life) just texted me and I’m about to meet up with him to do some late night grocery shopping (perks of being a twenty something year old). I hope I’m not out too late because I’m actually quite exhausted.
I just spent 10 hours in the sun without sunblock. I’m an idiot. I look like a tomato and feel like my skin is on fire. Just in time for the concert tomorrow too! What was I thinking!? Also, I’m annoyed at everyone right now. Probably because I’m in so much pain. I just felt like venting since I’m being a grumpy pants.
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month” – Theodore Roosevelt
At twenty-something, I have finally moved out of my parents house. Is it scary, yes? Is it as freeing as it would have been if I were 18? surprisingly, nope.
I’m currently blasting Ed Sheeran and drinking a Mike’s hard lemonade out of a wine glass, so there’s that.
I keep having to remind myself lately that it’s okay, to not be okay. Some days (most days) I have to convince myself that I’m ok. When I’m in a sad and lonely mood, hiding under my blankets and being locked in my room all day sounds perfect, but in reality I have to wake up early and work that 9-5 to pay my bills and survive.
Do you ever feel that way? Where you can be surrounded by the ones you love or by company but you feel like drowning and there’s no escape from the loneliness? That’s how I feel today. And I know it’s all in my head, but I can’t help it. So I’m sitting here typing, listening to “How Would You Feel”, sipping fake wine from this glass, and pretending everything’s ok! On the bright side, at least tomorrow’s Friday.